love will save us

flashback//2009

i remember very clearly the day he left. we had waited so long for this. i remember sobbing so hard i didn’t think i’d ever get myself under control.

i remember driving home after snowboarding and wanting to take a picture so bad. so he pulled off the side of the road and we got stuck in the snow. a nice worker from beaver mountain had to tow us out.

i remember sitting in carls jr after finding out where and when he’d be leaving. it was bittersweet.

i remember watching american idol and eating grilled ham and cheese sandwiches with my mom on my birthday.

i remember all the cold winter walks and the long talks with god.

i remember realizing that i hate january, february and march.

i remember being up at the cabin and being in a very munchy mood. there was nothing to munch on and it made me irritated.

i remember gaining ten pounds over the course of studying for my xray boards.

i remember waking up that one morning and realizing it was finally spring.

i remember staring up at the sky at four in the morning and realizing how much more beautiful the sky is at that time.

i remember being scared and dreading the future. a lot.

i remember that beautiful red sunrise i witnessed while walking to work.

i remember listening to matthew perryman jones cover patty griffins ‘top of the world’ over and over again while knitting.

i remember trying to figure it all out.

i remember being at work on thanksgiving and thinking about how much i love my job. and really meaning it.

i remember that one doctor asking me if i’d even graduated from high school yet.

i remember making my first quilt and absolutely loving the process.

i remember tripping and falling down the porch stairs and skinning my knees pretty bad. i mostly remember the embarrassment.

i remember having an anxiety attack on the floor in my bedroom.

i remember wanting to run away. i still do sometimes.

i remember driving to ephraim for the first time in forever and feeling sad. and then not feeling anything at all.

i remember when sarah and i had to make our own bridge to get to the rock in the middle of the river. and i remember alex having to walk through the freezing cold water with us on his back.

i remember putting coins on the railroad track and searching for the flattened piece of metal once the train past.

i remember running towards the fireworks on the fourth of july. i ran fifteen miles that day. i watched the fireworks alone and it was beautiful.

i remember when that boy talked to me and made me feel real special.

i remember not acting my age and going to lots of concerts with kelli and screaming like a little junior high girl.

i remember getting raspberry lemonade snowcones with kelli all summer long.

i remember falling in love with ingrids music. i bought almost all her music in one night.